Chapter 20 - A Cook's Life: Part Two

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                                February 2011

Mike Campbell

A COOK’S LIFE – PART TWO:

Induction

Imagine any army movie where the new recruits jump off a bus, get new uniforms and are then screamed at by their instructors. The first days in a culinary school are much the same.

There is excitement in the air. Your adrenaline is pumping and you can’t wait to get started. You are in a new environment, doing new things and meeting new people. You are learning to cook, you can’t wait to go home and impress someone!

Your mind is on food, food, food! What will I learn today; meat, fish, poultry, vegetables, garnish, baking? Bring it on, I want to learn it all.

You are also very uncomfortable! The uniform you must wear is STIFF, HOT, and UNFORGIVING. You have not yet learned to wear at least one size larger than your regular clothes.

The jacket is sparkling white and looks impressive. The pants are another story! Whoever thought of this check design? They are stiff and chaff your legs even thought they have been washed five times already.

In the United States there are two common types of headgear, the floppy hat or the paper toque, (it will be awhile before you realize this “coffee filter’s” proper name). So how do you wear the floppy hat? Is the excess material worn on the left or the right? Do you pull it straight back? How about standing straight up in the air? Does it matter? In any case it feels weird and looks ridiculous.

The paper toques are one size fits all, which usually means it fits no one. The paper curves around on itself and the two sides are pushed to fit your head. Those with larger heads soon realize the two sides must be stapled or they will spend their entire shift pulling on the toque. They also learn the proper way to staple a toque, make sure the flat side of the staple is against your head. Just as important, you learn that paper absorbs sweat and will disintegrate on your forehead. If you pay attention, you will see the telltale discoloration before the hat slides down into you eyes.

In my school, we were inspected before each class. We stood at our worktable, so the instructor could see we had all our tools and our uniforms were clean. My first eye opener was the morning the chef instructor started screaming because he could not find the person wearing brown shoes.

The instructor was instilling in the students that the French are Number One in food and fashion. No self respecting Parisian would ever wear brown shoes with checked pants and a black belt! What season did this silly student think it was? The instructor might well have snidely remarked: 

“ I fart in your general direction.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.”

 (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

The chef shouted as he marched up and down the room glaring at everyone’s feet and became louder and more upset the longer he looked for “the brown shoes”. He didn’t realize “the brown shoes” and a few other students had been sent out of class to collect the day’s provisions. Needless to say, a message was sent and received!

 Another day an instructor was questioning a student about the state of his apron. The main purpose of an apron is to keep slop off of you, your jacket and your pants. Thus aprons tend to get dirty and stained. Removing stains from a white apron is hard, tedious work and in the end your efforts are fruitless. The student defended himself replying, “it may be stained, but it is clean”. The chef accepted this explanation and moved on. See, Chefs can be reasonable!

Now that everyone is dressed alike and has presented themselves to the Chef, we can begin.

You start with the knife; how to hold it, hone it, and store it. What is really being demonstrated is how not to cut yourself. And since you usually feel the edge to determine sharpness, someone always gets cut. Everyone who is not cut snickers at the plight of the bleeding student. But your blade is only waiting. It will get you!

The “SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS” trainees, are mostly ignored, screamed at, and assigned the worst tasks, at the worst times until they prove their worth. It is not uncommon for cooks not to know the new guys name, until he has been there awhile.

If you are receiving “on the job training”, you are usually just thrown to the wolves. You will be peeling potatoes and or chopping parsley for hours. You will also be left alone to finish these monotonous tasks. The cooks will not speak to you and will not show you how to complete your tasks faster.

At one of my apprenticeships sites, I would ask the experienced cooks how long an item would take to cook. I was just looking for an estimated time not an exact moment but I got the same answer all the time:

“WHEN IT’S DONE!”

Endure your hardships silently; they are a right of passage. This applies to cooks whether they are learning in school or on the job. As Sirach says in Chapter Two verse 4 – 6

“Accept whatever befalls you,

in crushing misfortune be patient:

For in fire gold is tested and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation”

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 19 A Cook's Life - Part One

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                               December 2010

Mike Campbell

A COOK’S LIFE – PART ONE

Pre - School Daze

Vin                     home,                                              none!
                          wife,                                                 none!
                          kids,                                                 none!
                          prospects,                                       zero!
                          Suppose I left anything out?

Chris                       yeah,

                          places you are tied down to         none!

The Magnificent Seven (movie)

When you visit a culinary school the first thing they do is congratulate you on entering a profession in which there is always work. After all everyone has to eat. Then they praise you for choosing their institution and quote, what seem to be amazing, statistics of the percentage of their graduates that are working in the hospitality field. Thus the naive are introduced to the hospitality industry’s version of smoke emitting posteriors and bovine fecal matter.

You have seen many, many, chefs on television making wonderful food, smiling, and looking good in starched white jackets. Their work is done in half an hour, they do not sweat, never make mistakes, and their food is always cooked ”just perfect”. This is the same image presented on cookbooks that so many of us own. Who would not want to be on of these people?

Next, a faint glimmer of reality creeps in. You will be working every weekend and every holiday. This is what the industry demands and this is not hidden, but the smoke has already done its job. The true meaning of the word “EVERY” is not thought about. It’s like “that old time religion”, preaching “fire and brimstone” and that Hell lasts for all eternity. Do any of us really wrap our mind around the true meaning of forever?

In The Magnificent Seven, a young farmer stands starry eyed amid a group of gunslingers. He thinks everything they do and have is awesome. The hired guns soon set him straight. The quote that starts this chapter is part of their reply. Theirs is a hard and lonely life. This sentiment should be beat into the head of everyone who thinks about working in a kitchen.

The work is hard, the days are long and the pay is low. You are usually wearing heavy clothes that do not breathe and some kind of headgear that makes you even hotter. Windows and fresh air are hard commodities to come by; kitchens are self-sustaining cocoons that are cutoff from the outside world. You are on your feet all day and frequently lift heavy objects. You usually talk with your fellow cooks as they ‘burn one” in search of the nicotine rush that gets them through the next hour. Drug and alcohol abuse is rampant. Divorce rates are among the highest of U.S. industries.

Standing in front of you is a polished professional, well dressed and well spoken. They are in reality salesmen, enticing you to buy their service, education!  They are verbally adept, impressing upon you aspects that are favorable to their institution and minimizing the damaging blows. The hospitality industry knows how to deal with people.

Then you will hear a list of famous graduates. There will be people you have seen on television, cookbook authors, those who have written newspaper and magazine articles, and chefs that work in your local area. Puff, the smoke is back. Don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain. The all-powerful OZ is speaking!

A tour of the facility is now in order. You experience an impressive sight; clean well lit rooms with students in white jackets and checked pants. Everything seems so professional”. You can’t wait to get started!

The smiling face beams at you and asks for questions. Did I mention that you will always have work in the hospitality industry? Did I mention the amazingly high employment rate our students have attained? Did I mention that TV Chef so and so is one of our graduates? Did you notice that my hair is freshly coiffed and my teeth polished? Yes, that blinding light is my smile. Don’t you wish you were me!

Realities usually bounce off the heads of culinary students at this point. They are all going to open their own restaurants and or become “the next Escoffier”! Horrible working conditions, low wages, cuts, burns, bruises, choking smoke, eating standing up, not eating, none of this matters.

They will be making wonderful food. Money and adulation will be heaped upon them. They will open their restaurant, write a cookbook, and then have their own television show. Nothing can stop them.

Wait; did the “smiling face” happen to mention the large number of graduates this school is pumping out each semester? I’m sure it did, since this number is usually a point of pride. So, if this institution is producing numerous graduates and there are many, many culinary schools doing the same: there could be thousands of people competing with me for that television show. What are my chances? You do the math! Don’t sweat it; math is not part of the curriculum.

After all, no one cooking on TV seems to sweat.

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 18: Chef's Pet

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                                      November 2010

Mike Campbell

CHEF’S PET!

Imagine you are in an “Austin Powers” movie and are an underling of Dr. Evil. Are you Mini Me sitting next to the boss and having your head patted or are you Scott, sitting at the end of the table being scorned while shouting truths that no one wants to hear?

        

Have you ever wondered why so many chefs are photographed in immaculate white jackets, with their arms folded as they glare at you from within? It is all about the attiTUDE. They know it all and don’t you forget it!

Generally, kitchens are run in an authoritarian manner. The Chef will tell you what he wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it done. There is very little questioning; you are expected to do what you are told. The Chef is the boss and that’s that!

However, most Chefs possess one soft spot, their pet. “Mr. Bigglesworth” appears in almost every kitchen. This could be someone the chef has had a long working relationship with, a friend, a classmate, or even a relative. Talent, drive, and ability are not, however, required to be a pet.

Think about the kangaroo. It lives in a harsh environment, but goes to great lengths to protect its young. The baby is born quietly, but clings to its mother and climbs up its leg to find a warm nourishing pouch. The young “joey” will stay here for months protected from reality.

While the, non pet portion of the Brigade, is emasculated in verbal bile, biting tongue, cold shoulder, withering stares, silence, and loud denunciations of their lineage, “CHEF’S PET” exists in a warm fuzzy place. If  “CHEF’S PET’S” performance is not perfect, he is instructed how to improve. He is not publicly flogged, nor is his head displayed on a pike as a warning to others.

It is also common for this “soft spot” to be accompanied by a “blind spot”. The “blind spot” does not allow the chef to see the “soft spot”.

One chef, a former culinary instructor, had strong feelings for any graduate of this institution. He denied showing any favoritism, but actions speak louder than words. Each month a special dinner was prepared for the board members. The words were never spoken but only alumni were allowed to prepare this meal. At one point, an intern from this school worked on these dinners but experienced non-alumni did not. I was working along side a “Certified Sous Chef”, who was not an alumnus, and he never worked on these dinners.

 I once worked with a threesome, who had been together many years and were very tight. They were always right and would defend each other, no matter what. One member was the Sous Chef, who was also very close to the Chef. They became known as ‘The FNB Club”. Only its own members denied the club’s existence. When “B” left “A” unknowingly, became a member, and was protected by the other two. Thus “The FAN Club” was born. After “ The FAN Club” evolved, we would abuse “A” about his membership. His standard response would be; hey, I never asked to be part of that.

I started work at one place and the chef told me there would be “a talented young guy” on the line with me. During the shift this young man introduced me to the F&B manager and said “that’s the only one who is allowed to criticize me”. I thought this strange and discovered the reason some time later. The former Executive Chef was the young guys father. The F&B manger was the father’s cousin. The father had also hired the boys godfather as Banquet Chef. This Banquet Chef became the Executive Chef when the father left. It was all in the family. But the farce that angered the staff was when the young guy was made Sous Chef. The godfather had become F&B manager and forced the kid on the new Executive Chef. Somehow the godfather never made the kid Sous while he was Executive Chef.

At one place I was warned that a certain Sous Chef was a political animal. I watched the guy and thought I had nothing to worry about. Soon after, the Executive Sous, left abruptly. Rumors abounded as to the cause. This sous chef was one of those people who would talk ad nauseum about how much he did. I think he felt compelled to talk about his workload because no one else could figure out what he did. Later, while shooting the breeze with the Chef, he mentioned that this sous and he not only liked the same food but also had the same favorite movie. I thought to myself, what are the chances of that?

This same Chef took months to choose a new dinner plate. The old plate was plain white. The new plate was white with a raised design on the edge. The first night these were used, I stood between these two as the sous gushed about how the food looked so much better on the new plate.

There is an old business adage that states:

“if two people have the same opinion,

then one of them is not necessary”

It is difficult to maintain a productive staff when management plays favorites. It is even more difficult when the favorites are not qualified!

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 17 : Yes Chef

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                                   September 2010

Mike Campbell

YES CHEF!

(Is this a management technique?)

        

The Chef is the head cook, not your friend, psychologist, social director, parole officer, bookie, substance abuse counselor, bus driver, auto mechanic, or mobile phone provider. He wants “his food” cooked “his way” and it better be ready when he wants it. You (person) are just a means to his ends. You are just another tool and are treated as such.

I enter the kitchen and hear someone screaming, “Yes Chef”. By the time I reach the walk- in, I hear this phrase several more times. And then, even louder, comes “CHEF! YES CHEF!”

 I am in the prep area behind the line and my ears are ringing. It was one of the new guys. It didn’t matter what was going on or who was trying to talk, or what time of day it was. Like rolling thunder, this sound was everywhere. The “even tenor of my ways” was under assault from this pervasive noise. It was psychological warfare! No one was safe from this sonic blast!

 The “old guard” would snicker and shake their heads at this farce, but the Chef would always smile. I had been out of culinary school for about eight years and had worked in many kitchens, but never had I experienced this nonsense.

This guy had been brought along with the new Chef. Chef was European, had just left a culinary school as an instructor and was used to people jumping when he spoke. The personnel of the “pre-existing condition” were not there by his choosing and he was sending us a message. This is the attitude I demand!

I was having a hard time saying this man’s name, so I asked him the correct pronunciation. He replied:

“YOU MAY CALL ME CHEF”!

Time went by and this same man was telling me something he wanted done. I responded like a typical American male over 40 by saying yeh or OK. The chef stared at me and stated,

“THE PROPER ANSWER IS YES CHEF”.

These exchanges spoke volumes, he was the authority and I was there to do his bidding. To this day I still wonder if “Chef” appears on his birth certificate.

 Do what I say, do it now, and do not ask questions. This attitude is very common among Chefs, generally more severe among Europeans, but they all have it. They rule their fiefdoms, embracing the “Divine Right of Kings”, and are not inclined to discuss matters with the serfs.  If an underling ever suggests the Chef change something, Chef’s attitude is best described by Shakespeare:

“Must I be flouted thus, by dunghill grooms?”

A less eloquent version of the same sentiment is expressed in American as,

“If I want any crap out of you, I’ll squeeze you head!”

Imagine the opening scene from the George C. Scott movie “Patton”. The Chef (Patton) stands on high in an immaculately clean uniform, light reflects off the razor sharp knives strapped to his sides. The Brigades stands below breathlessly waiting his every word. He looks perfect, a dazzling sight, bestowing his magnificence upon the minions.

Newspapers reported on Patton’s activities using the name given to him by his troops, “BLOOD AND GUTS”. This was a heroic moniker, helped to sell newspapers, and created an image of a larger than life persona. A closer study of history reveals other important details. The full name, as used by the troops is,

“Old Blood and Guts

yeh

OUR blood and HIS guts”

Cooks are not trained managers, accountants, or human resource professionals. Cooks are creatures of the kitchen and elevation to management status does not mean the ingrained shortsighted attitude has been jettisoned. We exist in a harsh environment and soft edges are soon rubbed raw. Management largely consists of screaming, manipulation, and intimidation. Team building, personal growth and development are usually denied visas to the kitchen.

A favorite tactic of chefs is to tell you what a good job you did at the end of a busy shift. As you stand by your station sweating and cleaning up, after a busy service, the chef will breeze out the door telling everyone what a great job they did. But somehow they always forget your accomplishments when it is time for your review. At this point your performance must always improve. If you are inclined to waste some time, inquire what you must do to improve. Generally, a dazzling light blinds you and an imposing voice comes from on high and intones

“GET BETTER”.

Otherwise your raise would have to be something other than ridiculous. Protocol dictates that you now say “Yes Chef” and go back to work.

I once worked for an American who had spent some time cooking in France. He was issued two dry towels per day and was only allowed to say, “Yes Chef”.

Once a Chef was shorthanded, asked me to help him and work an unscheduled shift. The overtime money would do me good so I agreed. Later in the week, the chef sent me home since I had worked an extra day. I did him a favor and then he removed my incentive to do anything other than what is expected. His shifts and payroll were covered but I never did him a favor again. Yes Chef!

One place stayed open an hour later on the Friday, the busiest day of the week. The chef didn’t want to pay an extra hour, so I was told to start work an hour later than usual.  This did not make any sense to me. I needed extra prep time for the busiest day not less. I suggested subtracting an hour from the slowest day. Of course, this never happened. Needless to say, I had to work harder and faster so payroll could meet forecast. Yes Chef!

One chef had a habit of posting the weekly schedule the day before the new workweek started. I thought this displayed a complete lack of thought and caring for the staff. Afterall, cooks have the technique of “mise en place” drilled in to them. Be prepared for your shift. Should not this same philosophy be used in your mental work? When I asked the chef if it was possible to post the schedule early, I was told no. The banquet department may have an unanticipated immediate need, and then what would I do? For the remainder of the year I worked there, the schedules were always posted late, my work hours were always the same, others hours did not change, and the unanticipated immediate need never materialized. Yes Chef!

To this day, while watching “Hell’s Kitchen”, I want to slap somebody when I hear them scream, “Yes Chef!”

The United States was founded on the principal of equality for all, but “the kitchen” in not America. “The kitchen” is a word unto itself!

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 16 : Kitchen Brigade

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                                          June 2010

Mike Campbell

KITCHEN BRIGADE

There is no I in team, but there are a few in Kitchen Brigade!

In the traditional French system a professional kitchen is organized as a “Kitchen Brigade”. The system was instituted in the late nineteenth century in order to avoid chaos, duplication of effort and to streamline the work in hotel kitchens.

DID I SAY, “AVOID CHAOS”? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BUSY KITCHEN? MOST AMERICANS DON’T UNDERSWTAND ENGLISH, LET ALONE SPANISH, FRENCH, CREOLE, SPANGLISH, OR ANY ASIAN LANGUAGE!

Brigade is a military term that seems to me was not chosen lightly. Military espirit de corp implies discipline and subjugation to authority. Just as in the military we even dress alike, dark non skid shoes, checked pants, white jacket, and paper toque. Thus the tone is set, you are to do what you are told!

 Under this system, each position has a “station” and each station has an assigned set of tasks that must be completed. Therefore, all tasks are completed in a timely manner, and we all cook happily ever after!

The Brigade system was designed by “the kitchen god Escoffier” and therefore cannot be questioned.

But who makes up this Brigade? There is a standard cast of characters.

CHEF                  knows his feces doesn’t stink

SOUS CHEF          is pretty sure his has a wonderful aroma, but just to make sure, keeps his nose between the Chef’s cheeks for comparison

CULINARY GRAD

knows, someday his feces will lose its pungent smell. But his is still better than any non-management personnel.

SELF TAUGHT COOK

has come to appreciate and understand all the smells of the kitchen. He loves to rub the nose of any one listed above, in his, just to prove he knows what is going on.

THE WHINER         there IS ALWAYS something wrong

DISHWASHER         stands in it all day and has become                                                       desensitized.

“THERE’S ONE IN EVERY KITCHEN”

Someone, usually, a dishwasher insists on getting in your face to talk about nonsense every day.

The kitchen is a testosterone filled environment and “The Brigade” mostly consists of loud, sweaty, cussing men. The only “touchy feely” moments occur when dealing with the plentiful supply of young females, whose main job is attending high school or college. These girls raise our minds to such heights that we can understand and spell debauchery.

There were two guys that referred to each other by the acronyms D.O.M and D.Y.M.

                  Dirty    Old      Man

                  Dirty    Young   Man

Can this group come together and work as a team to accomplish a common goal? Of course, but that is not the usual mindset. The Brigade system operates under the ancient adage: “divide and conquer”.

In my first cooking job, I was told that the morning crew ALWAYS fights with the night crew. It is now many years and kitchens later and this axiom is as true today as the day I heard it.  You will usually hear comments like: my shift does all the work and the other guys have it easy, there are no bosses here early in the morning and those guys get to stand around for hours, they never put their stuff away, they always leave their trash for me to pick up, or I leave my station stocked and its empty when I come in the next day.

I once arrived for my dinner shift to find that the entire morning crew had walked off the job. This was the first time I had experienced the truth of the huge staff turnover rate that was taught in culinary school.

You will not see a group of cooks standing behind THE LINE with their blades together shouting “all for one and one for all” it is more like a bunch of rats fleeing a sinking ship, its every cook for himself!

Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. People will look at “the big picture”, think of their co workers, anticipate, educate, be pro active, and think of others before themselves, but this is not the overriding vibe in a kitchen. When you get to work with a true teammate, cherish the experience.

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 15 : Whisper

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                     April  2010        

Mike Campbell

WHISPER DOWN THE LANE

One of my fond childhood memories was playing a game called “Whisper Down The Lane”. You would gather as many kids as possible and arrange yourselves in a line. The first person would whisper something to the person next to them and that person would repeat it to the next person. This process would then continue “down the lane”. When the last person received the message they would stand and shout out the message. We would all laugh because the initial message would NEVER be the same at the end. I thought this game would remain a distant memory of my youth but I have found it is alive and well in some kitchens.  

 Usually, owners or general managers discuss with the Chef what needs to be done. The Chef then instructs the Executive Sous Chef, who speaks to the Sous Chefs, who speak to the Supervisors, who speak to the cooks, who actually do the work.

This style of management is a military “chain of command”. Under this system each link in the chain does what the link above commands. If everyone does their part, information slides down from the top and the machine works.

This type management functions under one large assumption. It takes for granted that each link knows what they are talking about. Of course, we can all recite from childhood memories what happens when we

ASS U ME.

Communication is key to almost everything but it is immensely important in this system, because the parts seldom communicate and rarely work together.

Are the lines of communication strong and flexible, or are they frayed, weak and about to break? Unfortunately, what passes as communication in a kitchen is considered SCREAMING in most other environments.  Staff is usually alerted to a Chef’s quizzical nature when throughout the kitchen is heard: WHAT THE  @#*%  ARE YOU DOING?

Nothing kills initiative like hearing “WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? DID I TELL YOU TO DO THAT?” Mumbling that you were trying to help or thinking ahead is not appreciated. You soon understand it is easier to just do what you were told.

And now the “chain reaction” starts. Chef is like a heat seeking missile hunting the Executive Sous Chef. If Chef finds his prey out in the open, he will pounce on the unsuspecting subordinate with: DID YOU TELL HIM TO DO THAT? Immediately, our minds go wondering off to images of a lion ripping apart a giraffe.

The second scenario is having the Executive Sous Chef summoned to the Chef’s office. This is no less a public execution, only quieter. Whenever, someone goes in the Chef’s office and the door is closed all eyes in the kitchen are watching. We will put on a show of moving our hands but have no doubt; all eyes are trained on the office.

The next part of this game is to watch which link will be “communicated” with next. Will all the links receive the new information or will it go directly to the bottom? The final act is for the staff to whisper about these activities for the next day and a half.

After a few of these incidents, management over reacts in the opposite direction. You will be standing next to the Chef as he explains something to your supervisor and then the supervisor immediately turns to you and repeats what was just said. What is a lowly cook to do without such wisdom?

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!        

                 Is tuisce deoch na sceal

Chapter 14 : Foreign Legion

THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN                                  September 2009

Mike Campbell

YOU’RE IN THE ARMY NOW!

( The French Foreign Legion )

A desolate landscape, its so hot you can see the waves of heat simmering up toward the heavens. A group of similarly dressed people are working, the sweat pouring off them. Light reflects off theirs knives as they slash and chop the carcasses strewn about.

A solitary figure is off to the side, watching the others. He does not sweat. He shouts commands in a variety of different languages. He is dressed like the others, but something is different. His clothing is immaculate, from the top of his hat to the shine on his shoes.

His hat and jacket are an intense, blinding shade of white. He is a dazzling sight. It is like a near death experience, you are drawn to the light. Could this be god? He usually thinks so!

Is this scene from the military or a professional kitchen? It could be either. In both organizations authority starts at the top and slowly trickles down, losing power as is descends.

The leaders are with the group but not really part of it. They give commands and are not in the habit of explaining themselves. They have complete faith in the system of “so let it be said (by me), so let it be done (by you)”.

“You had a good home, but you left…right”

The classic method for organizing a kitchen is called the “Kitchen Brigade”. Legend says this system evolved from medieval military cooks who were later dragooned into working for the nobility

There are many similarities between the military and the kitchen. Both groups wear stiff, unforgiving uniforms and ridicules hats. You are told what to wear and everyone is supposed to look alike. (How could anyone know who is a cook if he was not wearing checked pants?) Women are slowly joining the ranks, but the men don’t easily accept them. The replacements, (FNG), have to prove themselves before becoming part of the group.

Where else do you see a crowd gathered around someone putting an edge on a knife? This ritual fascinates cooks of any skill level. And if you are good, you have to show off, you must prove your blade has a razor’s edge. Slicing paper or shaving the hair off an arm are the usual crowd pleasers

Chefs are like generals, they have an office, give orders and their uniforms are always immaculate. Chef wants what he wants and he wants it done his way!

Sous Chefs are like lieutenants, they relay orders and perform some of the more skillful tasks. They are mostly management but will perform manual labor when necessary. Their jackets are usually clean but have been known to get dirty.

The cooks would be privates, doing what they are told. They operate in all weather conditions and their uniforms usually show the effects. It doesn’t matter how hot it is or how messy of a job you are performing, the chef doesn’t want to see a stained jacket and expects all the buttons to be done up to the neck. This group lives the motto of The United States Army’s 79^th Infantry Division Combat Engineers during World War II:

“The difficult we do

The impossible takes a little longer”

Dishwashers would be recruits, they are at the bottom, taking crap from everyone and doing the dirtiest jobs.

Military and kitchen management styles have several similarities. The boss, General or Chef, is addressed by his title and not his name. There is a chain of command and every member is expected to do what the level above orders. Officers/ Chefs have information and they decide with whom and how much of this to disseminate. There is little if any discussion. Staff await their orders and then reply, “yes sir!” or “yes chef!”

The kitchen is like the military of any country but it most closely resembles The French Foreign Legion. The white kepi of the Legion is not dissimilar to a cook’s toque, they are both white and go straight up from the head.

 In this outfit a group of volunteers from all over the world are lead by French officers. The soldiers may continue to speak their native tongues but the officers will insist on speaking French. To paraphrase an army movie, one officer says to another; they (soldiers) must understand YOU, you do not have to understand them.

A professional kitchen is not a democracy it is an authoritarian realm. The Executive Chef is like a pirate with a parrot perched on each shoulder. One is named EGO and the other AUTHORITY.

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

Into THE CAULDRON!

Is tuisce deoch na sceal