THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN November 2010
Mike Campbell
CHEF’S PET!
Imagine you are in an “Austin Powers” movie and are an underling of Dr. Evil. Are you Mini Me sitting next to the boss and having your head patted or are you Scott, sitting at the end of the table being scorned while shouting truths that no one wants to hear?
Have you ever wondered why so many chefs are photographed in immaculate white jackets, with their arms folded as they glare at you from within? It is all about the attiTUDE. They know it all and don’t you forget it!
Generally, kitchens are run in an authoritarian manner. The Chef will tell you what he wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it done. There is very little questioning; you are expected to do what you are told. The Chef is the boss and that’s that!
However, most Chefs possess one soft spot, their pet. “Mr. Bigglesworth” appears in almost every kitchen. This could be someone the chef has had a long working relationship with, a friend, a classmate, or even a relative. Talent, drive, and ability are not, however, required to be a pet.
Think about the kangaroo. It lives in a harsh environment, but goes to great lengths to protect its young. The baby is born quietly, but clings to its mother and climbs up its leg to find a warm nourishing pouch. The young “joey” will stay here for months protected from reality.
While the, non pet portion of the Brigade, is emasculated in verbal bile, biting tongue, cold shoulder, withering stares, silence, and loud denunciations of their lineage, “CHEF’S PET” exists in a warm fuzzy place. If “CHEF’S PET’S” performance is not perfect, he is instructed how to improve. He is not publicly flogged, nor is his head displayed on a pike as a warning to others.
It is also common for this “soft spot” to be accompanied by a “blind spot”. The “blind spot” does not allow the chef to see the “soft spot”.
One chef, a former culinary instructor, had strong feelings for any graduate of this institution. He denied showing any favoritism, but actions speak louder than words. Each month a special dinner was prepared for the board members. The words were never spoken but only alumni were allowed to prepare this meal. At one point, an intern from this school worked on these dinners but experienced non-alumni did not. I was working along side a “Certified Sous Chef”, who was not an alumnus, and he never worked on these dinners.
I once worked with a threesome, who had been together many years and were very tight. They were always right and would defend each other, no matter what. One member was the Sous Chef, who was also very close to the Chef. They became known as ‘The FNB Club”. Only its own members denied the club’s existence. When “B” left “A” unknowingly, became a member, and was protected by the other two. Thus “The FAN Club” was born. After “ The FAN Club” evolved, we would abuse “A” about his membership. His standard response would be; hey, I never asked to be part of that.
I started work at one place and the chef told me there would be “a talented young guy” on the line with me. During the shift this young man introduced me to the F&B manager and said “that’s the only one who is allowed to criticize me”. I thought this strange and discovered the reason some time later. The former Executive Chef was the young guys father. The F&B manger was the father’s cousin. The father had also hired the boys godfather as Banquet Chef. This Banquet Chef became the Executive Chef when the father left. It was all in the family. But the farce that angered the staff was when the young guy was made Sous Chef. The godfather had become F&B manager and forced the kid on the new Executive Chef. Somehow the godfather never made the kid Sous while he was Executive Chef.
At one place I was warned that a certain Sous Chef was a political animal. I watched the guy and thought I had nothing to worry about. Soon after, the Executive Sous, left abruptly. Rumors abounded as to the cause. This sous chef was one of those people who would talk ad nauseum about how much he did. I think he felt compelled to talk about his workload because no one else could figure out what he did. Later, while shooting the breeze with the Chef, he mentioned that this sous and he not only liked the same food but also had the same favorite movie. I thought to myself, what are the chances of that?
This same Chef took months to choose a new dinner plate. The old plate was plain white. The new plate was white with a raised design on the edge. The first night these were used, I stood between these two as the sous gushed about how the food looked so much better on the new plate.
There is an old business adage that states:
“if two people have the same opinion,
then one of them is not necessary”
It is difficult to maintain a productive staff when management plays favorites. It is even more difficult when the favorites are not qualified!
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
Is tuisce deoch na sceal
