THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN November 2011
Mike Campbell
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (Management)
THEATRE OF THE ABSURD…
(Culinarians),“humanity had to resign itself to recognizing that a fully satisfying rational explanation of its universe” (hospitality industry) “was beyond its reach”.
Once upon a time, a new employer informed me I would be paid “time and a half” for holidays. I thought this was a great benefit! Most American businesses will pay you for the day, commonly eight hours, but this place was giving me “time and a half”! I was one happy cookie and patted myself on the back for joining this company. Imagine my surprise, when I was paid twelve hours for working a holiday.
I was expecting to be paid eight hours for the time I worked and eight hours for the “holiday”. The chef told me he didn’t know how holiday pay worked, since he was salary and it did not apply to him! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The restaurant manager understood but could do nothing. The general manager had a glazed look on his face and chanted, “You get time and a half”. I persisted and he dimly asked if I wanted “double time”? Then added “only fancy placed like Atlantic City do that”. ARE YOU F***ING KIDDIGN ME? I did not want double time; I wanted to be paid for a holiday! Not a “holi-half day”! I worked eight hours and was paid for twelve; therefore I received a four-hour benefit. If I had not worked, I would have received an eight-hour benefit. ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME? In the hospitality business, your best workers handle the busiest shifts. The net result was paying the “B Team” twice as much, as the “A Team”, for doing nothing! This is a strange way to “reward” your staff! I wonder what business school these guys went to?
The dinner shift is over and I am alone in the kitchen cleaning. Is the chef here? It was the General Manager of the “country club”. The chef had just left and I inquire if I can help. The manager wanted the chef to join him in singing “Happy Birthday” to the club president. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I didn’t think the signage outside indicated a children’s restaurant, but having been schooled in “hospitality” I quickly phoned the chef’s office in hopes of making this “dream” come true. Tears glistened in my eyes while informing the manager that chef was gone.
The manager left but my curiosity was piqued. I just had to see this for myself! Sure enough, the General Manager and staff were singing in the dining room! Some people know the definition of politician, without a dictionary. Walk the walk and sing the song!
Kitchens require cleaning and a multitude of products are on hand for this purpose. These are usually considered “hazardous materials” and are tracked so they do not come in contact with food. This is all part of the “sanitation” training.
To my surprise, I was stopped by the head of receiving after taking a bottle of grill cleaner. He told me to use the other kind because the brand I had causes cancer! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A known cancer causing substance is stocked when a safe alternative is also available! This was a first rate operation, why would they do such a thing? It made no sense, but some time later the chef told me the same thing!
It is common for restaurants to offer a daily “special”. The kitchen makes the dish but communication is left to others. One method is to print the special and insert this information in the menu. This method was employed for at least the two years I worked at a particular “club”. Somehow management seemed unable to train anyone but the full time office staff to perform this function. What happens when the regular office staff is off? You run the same specials! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Once I questioned why the part time person did not print the menu and was told, “they only answer the phone”. Really?
Mice are a constant problem in the food industry. This leads to the common practices of keeping all outside doors closed, storing food in sealed plastic containers, traps, and others measures. But I was astonished when I heard of chipmunks running around the dining room. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? There was only one place I have ever encountered this. Later, I discovered that the servers were feeding these critters! Management seemed unaware that “Chip” and “Dale” were invited guests.
A golf club decided to upgrade their facility and install a water sprinkling system throughout the course. Since there were no water fountains, membership wanted water bottles available on the course. The place had two water problems and it seemed both could be remedied with this one installation. Millions were spent so the grass could get a drink. Did the humans get a fountain? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They continued to buy sixty (60) cases of bottled water per week. Mother Earth loves plastic.
Night vision goggles might be standard issue to Seal Team Six but they are not to “Grill Team Five”. The weekly outside grilling adventure was made more perilous by the lack of light. The coals would glow red, but we could not read the tickets and could barely see the proteins on the grill. When this dilemma was presented to management, we were informed to turn on the spotlight. Inquires were made about the location of this switch but the treasure map was lost. It seemed the only person privy to this knowledge was the head bartender. More correctly, it was the “X” head bartender! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While we cooked outside on a grill, the vegetables and potatoes were held in chafing dishes. These chafers held water, which kept the product hot. If the water was not hot the food was not hot. People were complaining about cold food so the next time I started the fire early. Management was upset with the increased fuel consumption and I was told to stop. People continued to complain about food temperatures and management couldn’t understand why! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
“Singing in the rain,
I’m singing in the rain,
I’m singing in the rain,
what a wonderful feeling,
I’m happy again”
I’m happy again”
Do you remember this song from a movie where a man dances in the street during a rainstorm? This is exactly how I felt every time the bain-marie was emptied. The drainpipe had deteriorated and leaked whenever the steam table was emptied. The water would pool on the kitchen floor and travel along the drainpipe to the floor below. This just happened to be over the main employee exit, so it was not uncommon to splash through puddles on you way home. To solve this dilemma we were instructed to empty the steam table slower! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If you wanted to avoid flooding, it took two (2) hours to drain the table! This place closed one month per year for renovations but never was able to plug the hole.
It’s a busy day in your restaurant, there is a party on the first floor and the second floor dining room is also busy. How do you serve the unexpected rush of diners? You tell one of the party servers to also serve lunch. The server takes the orders and returns to the party. The food waits. Management then becomes agitated with the server for not serving customers on two different floors at the same time. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Go Green! It is a great idea to reduce our consumption, reuse and recycle. We exist in a kitchen atmosphere, so we should know better than to have our ideas half-baked. Buying three $100 cans for recycling is a good start, but if your trash company does not take recycling maybe you should do a little more thinking.
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
“The difficult we do,
The impossible takes a little longer!”
Is tuisce deoch na sce
