THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN February 2011
Mike Campbell
A COOK’S LIFE – PART TWO:
Induction
Imagine any army movie where the new recruits jump off a bus, get new uniforms and are then screamed at by their instructors. The first days in a culinary school are much the same.
There is excitement in the air. Your adrenaline is pumping and you can’t wait to get started. You are in a new environment, doing new things and meeting new people. You are learning to cook, you can’t wait to go home and impress someone!
Your mind is on food, food, food! What will I learn today; meat, fish, poultry, vegetables, garnish, baking? Bring it on, I want to learn it all.
You are also very uncomfortable! The uniform you must wear is STIFF, HOT, and UNFORGIVING. You have not yet learned to wear at least one size larger than your regular clothes.
The jacket is sparkling white and looks impressive. The pants are another story! Whoever thought of this check design? They are stiff and chaff your legs even thought they have been washed five times already.
In the United States there are two common types of headgear, the floppy hat or the paper toque, (it will be awhile before you realize this “coffee filter’s” proper name). So how do you wear the floppy hat? Is the excess material worn on the left or the right? Do you pull it straight back? How about standing straight up in the air? Does it matter? In any case it feels weird and looks ridiculous.
The paper toques are one size fits all, which usually means it fits no one. The paper curves around on itself and the two sides are pushed to fit your head. Those with larger heads soon realize the two sides must be stapled or they will spend their entire shift pulling on the toque. They also learn the proper way to staple a toque, make sure the flat side of the staple is against your head. Just as important, you learn that paper absorbs sweat and will disintegrate on your forehead. If you pay attention, you will see the telltale discoloration before the hat slides down into you eyes.
In my school, we were inspected before each class. We stood at our worktable, so the instructor could see we had all our tools and our uniforms were clean. My first eye opener was the morning the chef instructor started screaming because he could not find the person wearing brown shoes.
The instructor was instilling in the students that the French are Number One in food and fashion. No self respecting Parisian would ever wear brown shoes with checked pants and a black belt! What season did this silly student think it was? The instructor might well have snidely remarked:
“ I fart in your general direction.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.”
(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
The chef shouted as he marched up and down the room glaring at everyone’s feet and became louder and more upset the longer he looked for “the brown shoes”. He didn’t realize “the brown shoes” and a few other students had been sent out of class to collect the day’s provisions. Needless to say, a message was sent and received!
Another day an instructor was questioning a student about the state of his apron. The main purpose of an apron is to keep slop off of you, your jacket and your pants. Thus aprons tend to get dirty and stained. Removing stains from a white apron is hard, tedious work and in the end your efforts are fruitless. The student defended himself replying, “it may be stained, but it is clean”. The chef accepted this explanation and moved on. See, Chefs can be reasonable!
Now that everyone is dressed alike and has presented themselves to the Chef, we can begin.
You start with the knife; how to hold it, hone it, and store it. What is really being demonstrated is how not to cut yourself. And since you usually feel the edge to determine sharpness, someone always gets cut. Everyone who is not cut snickers at the plight of the bleeding student. But your blade is only waiting. It will get you!
The “SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS” trainees, are mostly ignored, screamed at, and assigned the worst tasks, at the worst times until they prove their worth. It is not uncommon for cooks not to know the new guys name, until he has been there awhile.
If you are receiving “on the job training”, you are usually just thrown to the wolves. You will be peeling potatoes and or chopping parsley for hours. You will also be left alone to finish these monotonous tasks. The cooks will not speak to you and will not show you how to complete your tasks faster.
At one of my apprenticeships sites, I would ask the experienced cooks how long an item would take to cook. I was just looking for an estimated time not an exact moment but I got the same answer all the time:
“WHEN IT’S DONE!”
Endure your hardships silently; they are a right of passage. This applies to cooks whether they are learning in school or on the job. As Sirach says in Chapter Two verse 4 – 6
“Accept whatever befalls you,
in crushing misfortune be patient:
For in fire gold is tested and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation”
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
Is tuisce deoch na sceal
