THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN May 2011
Mike Campbell
Mike Campbell
A WISEMAN ONCE SAID
I am Sir Oracle,
And when I obe my lips, let no dog bark!
William Shakespeare
The Merchant Of Venice
It is unusual for a cook to wax philosophical, but when it happens, listen.
“I SMELL SOMETHING BURNING……,
SEETHING NEGITIVITY!”
*.*.
A comment on the less than happy working atmosphere.
“I HAVE ANAL MYOPEA”
A TRADITIONAL KITCHEN PROVERB
I can’t see my ass going to work today.
“WHEN I GET YOUR AGE, MY BODY WILL TORTURE ME FOR WHAT I AM DOING TO IT.”
D.P
A 30-year-old cook, with a hangover, commenting to 50-year-old co-worker.
“YOUR BRAIN IS YOUR BEST TOOL”
M.C.
Common sense and thinking are underdeveloped natural resources.
“THE QUESTION IN NOT WHERE YOUE LEARNED BUT DID YOU LEARN”
M.C.
The desire to learn is more important than a diploma from a culinary school.
“DON’T YOU GO TO SCHOOL SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORK LIKE THIS?”
D.P.
This cook, a culinary school graduate, was exasperated during a busy service
“ALL KITCHENS ARE F***ED UP, IT’S JUST A MATTER OF HOW F***ED UP!”
*.*.
The truth.
“I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH TO GET UPSET.”
D.P.
How one cook stays calm.
“THE HARDEST THING I DO EVERYDAY IS SWALLOW MY PRIDE.”
D.P.
The cook considered himself more talented than management.
May also be related to first comment.
“MY BROTHER IS A LAWYER, MY FATHER IS A DOCTOR, AND I COOK MUSHROOMS.”
*.*.
Getting to know a new cook as he sautés.
“BEER AND WAITRESSES”
D.B.
One cook’s answer to the question, how does a line cook survive?
THE TRUE SIGN OF STRENGTH IS APOLOGIZING AFTER THE BATTLE.
M.C.
The true character of a man is displayed in this simple but difficult task.
“I’VE BEEN F***ED IN THE KITCHNE SO MANY TIMES, I KNOW HOW TO WORK AROUND IT.”
*.*.
Survival skills A cook’s remark about his unique experiences.
“I NEED THIS JOB.”
One guy’s technique for doing whatever he is told.
“COOKS GET F***ED, AND CHEFS GET LAID.”
D.P
What’s the difference between a cook and a chef?
“I SHOULD BE WEARING A PAPER HAT”
*.*.
After a menu change, one cook thought his talents were under utilized and surmised he could do the same thing at a diner.
“WATER IS A POWERFUL SOLVENT”
*.*.
Ex scientist, cook, commenting on the proper liquid to clean a floor
“YOU HAVE ONE FOR EACH DAY OFF.”
*.*.
The company issued two uniforms to the staff working five days a week.
“YOU CAN’T JUST THROW A WHITE JACKET ON HIM AND CALL HIM A COOK”.
*.*.
The typical management technique for maintaining a low payroll.
“YOU SHOULD’T ASK WHY THINGS WENT SO WRONG TONIGHT, YOU SHOULD ASK WHY THEY DO NOT GO SO WRONG EVERY NIGHT!
M.C.
This person was less than impressed with the usual quality of hospitality management.
“ARE YOU APPLYING LOGIC TO THE MANAGERIAL MIND?”
*.*.
This person was perplexed that others did not think like him.
“DEBACCHARI ERGO SUM”
(“I RANT THEREFORE I AM”)
*.*.
This person was a follower of the Rene Descartes school of philosophy.
He would loudly question his existence and individuality, theorizing he was not just another part of the kitchen. Most likely related to the preceding quote.
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
“The difficult we do,
The impossible takes a little longer!”
Is tuisce deoch na sceal
