THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN December 2010
Mike Campbell
A COOK’S LIFE – PART ONE
Pre - School Daze
Vin home, none!
wife, none!
kids, none!
prospects, zero!
Suppose I left anything out?
wife, none!
kids, none!
prospects, zero!
Suppose I left anything out?
Chris yeah,
places you are tied down to none!
The Magnificent Seven (movie)
When you visit a culinary school the first thing they do is congratulate you on entering a profession in which there is always work. After all everyone has to eat. Then they praise you for choosing their institution and quote, what seem to be amazing, statistics of the percentage of their graduates that are working in the hospitality field. Thus the naive are introduced to the hospitality industry’s version of smoke emitting posteriors and bovine fecal matter.
You have seen many, many, chefs on television making wonderful food, smiling, and looking good in starched white jackets. Their work is done in half an hour, they do not sweat, never make mistakes, and their food is always cooked ”just perfect”. This is the same image presented on cookbooks that so many of us own. Who would not want to be on of these people?
Next, a faint glimmer of reality creeps in. You will be working every weekend and every holiday. This is what the industry demands and this is not hidden, but the smoke has already done its job. The true meaning of the word “EVERY” is not thought about. It’s like “that old time religion”, preaching “fire and brimstone” and that Hell lasts for all eternity. Do any of us really wrap our mind around the true meaning of forever?
In The Magnificent Seven, a young farmer stands starry eyed amid a group of gunslingers. He thinks everything they do and have is awesome. The hired guns soon set him straight. The quote that starts this chapter is part of their reply. Theirs is a hard and lonely life. This sentiment should be beat into the head of everyone who thinks about working in a kitchen.
The work is hard, the days are long and the pay is low. You are usually wearing heavy clothes that do not breathe and some kind of headgear that makes you even hotter. Windows and fresh air are hard commodities to come by; kitchens are self-sustaining cocoons that are cutoff from the outside world. You are on your feet all day and frequently lift heavy objects. You usually talk with your fellow cooks as they ‘burn one” in search of the nicotine rush that gets them through the next hour. Drug and alcohol abuse is rampant. Divorce rates are among the highest of U.S. industries.
Standing in front of you is a polished professional, well dressed and well spoken. They are in reality salesmen, enticing you to buy their service, education! They are verbally adept, impressing upon you aspects that are favorable to their institution and minimizing the damaging blows. The hospitality industry knows how to deal with people.
Then you will hear a list of famous graduates. There will be people you have seen on television, cookbook authors, those who have written newspaper and magazine articles, and chefs that work in your local area. Puff, the smoke is back. Don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain. The all-powerful OZ is speaking!
A tour of the facility is now in order. You experience an impressive sight; clean well lit rooms with students in white jackets and checked pants. Everything seems so professional”. You can’t wait to get started!
The smiling face beams at you and asks for questions. Did I mention that you will always have work in the hospitality industry? Did I mention the amazingly high employment rate our students have attained? Did I mention that TV Chef so and so is one of our graduates? Did you notice that my hair is freshly coiffed and my teeth polished? Yes, that blinding light is my smile. Don’t you wish you were me!
Realities usually bounce off the heads of culinary students at this point. They are all going to open their own restaurants and or become “the next Escoffier”! Horrible working conditions, low wages, cuts, burns, bruises, choking smoke, eating standing up, not eating, none of this matters.
They will be making wonderful food. Money and adulation will be heaped upon them. They will open their restaurant, write a cookbook, and then have their own television show. Nothing can stop them.
Wait; did the “smiling face” happen to mention the large number of graduates this school is pumping out each semester? I’m sure it did, since this number is usually a point of pride. So, if this institution is producing numerous graduates and there are many, many culinary schools doing the same: there could be thousands of people competing with me for that television show. What are my chances? You do the math! Don’t sweat it; math is not part of the curriculum.
After all, no one cooking on TV seems to sweat.
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
Is tuisce deoch na sceal
