THE CHRONICLER OF THE KITCHEN September 2010
Mike Campbell
YES CHEF!
(Is this a management technique?)
The Chef is the head cook, not your friend, psychologist, social director, parole officer, bookie, substance abuse counselor, bus driver, auto mechanic, or mobile phone provider. He wants “his food” cooked “his way” and it better be ready when he wants it. You (person) are just a means to his ends. You are just another tool and are treated as such.
I enter the kitchen and hear someone screaming, “Yes Chef”. By the time I reach the walk- in, I hear this phrase several more times. And then, even louder, comes “CHEF! YES CHEF!”
I am in the prep area behind the line and my ears are ringing. It was one of the new guys. It didn’t matter what was going on or who was trying to talk, or what time of day it was. Like rolling thunder, this sound was everywhere. The “even tenor of my ways” was under assault from this pervasive noise. It was psychological warfare! No one was safe from this sonic blast!
The “old guard” would snicker and shake their heads at this farce, but the Chef would always smile. I had been out of culinary school for about eight years and had worked in many kitchens, but never had I experienced this nonsense.
This guy had been brought along with the new Chef. Chef was European, had just left a culinary school as an instructor and was used to people jumping when he spoke. The personnel of the “pre-existing condition” were not there by his choosing and he was sending us a message. This is the attitude I demand!
I was having a hard time saying this man’s name, so I asked him the correct pronunciation. He replied:
“YOU MAY CALL ME CHEF”!
Time went by and this same man was telling me something he wanted done. I responded like a typical American male over 40 by saying yeh or OK. The chef stared at me and stated,
“THE PROPER ANSWER IS YES CHEF”.
These exchanges spoke volumes, he was the authority and I was there to do his bidding. To this day I still wonder if “Chef” appears on his birth certificate.
Do what I say, do it now, and do not ask questions. This attitude is very common among Chefs, generally more severe among Europeans, but they all have it. They rule their fiefdoms, embracing the “Divine Right of Kings”, and are not inclined to discuss matters with the serfs. If an underling ever suggests the Chef change something, Chef’s attitude is best described by Shakespeare:
“Must I be flouted thus, by dunghill grooms?”
A less eloquent version of the same sentiment is expressed in American as,
“If I want any crap out of you, I’ll squeeze you head!”
Imagine the opening scene from the George C. Scott movie “Patton”. The Chef (Patton) stands on high in an immaculately clean uniform, light reflects off the razor sharp knives strapped to his sides. The Brigades stands below breathlessly waiting his every word. He looks perfect, a dazzling sight, bestowing his magnificence upon the minions.
Newspapers reported on Patton’s activities using the name given to him by his troops, “BLOOD AND GUTS”. This was a heroic moniker, helped to sell newspapers, and created an image of a larger than life persona. A closer study of history reveals other important details. The full name, as used by the troops is,
“Old Blood and Guts
yeh
OUR blood and HIS guts”
Cooks are not trained managers, accountants, or human resource professionals. Cooks are creatures of the kitchen and elevation to management status does not mean the ingrained shortsighted attitude has been jettisoned. We exist in a harsh environment and soft edges are soon rubbed raw. Management largely consists of screaming, manipulation, and intimidation. Team building, personal growth and development are usually denied visas to the kitchen.
A favorite tactic of chefs is to tell you what a good job you did at the end of a busy shift. As you stand by your station sweating and cleaning up, after a busy service, the chef will breeze out the door telling everyone what a great job they did. But somehow they always forget your accomplishments when it is time for your review. At this point your performance must always improve. If you are inclined to waste some time, inquire what you must do to improve. Generally, a dazzling light blinds you and an imposing voice comes from on high and intones
“GET BETTER”.
Otherwise your raise would have to be something other than ridiculous. Protocol dictates that you now say “Yes Chef” and go back to work.
I once worked for an American who had spent some time cooking in France. He was issued two dry towels per day and was only allowed to say, “Yes Chef”.
Once a Chef was shorthanded, asked me to help him and work an unscheduled shift. The overtime money would do me good so I agreed. Later in the week, the chef sent me home since I had worked an extra day. I did him a favor and then he removed my incentive to do anything other than what is expected. His shifts and payroll were covered but I never did him a favor again. Yes Chef!
One place stayed open an hour later on the Friday, the busiest day of the week. The chef didn’t want to pay an extra hour, so I was told to start work an hour later than usual. This did not make any sense to me. I needed extra prep time for the busiest day not less. I suggested subtracting an hour from the slowest day. Of course, this never happened. Needless to say, I had to work harder and faster so payroll could meet forecast. Yes Chef!
One chef had a habit of posting the weekly schedule the day before the new workweek started. I thought this displayed a complete lack of thought and caring for the staff. Afterall, cooks have the technique of “mise en place” drilled in to them. Be prepared for your shift. Should not this same philosophy be used in your mental work? When I asked the chef if it was possible to post the schedule early, I was told no. The banquet department may have an unanticipated immediate need, and then what would I do? For the remainder of the year I worked there, the schedules were always posted late, my work hours were always the same, others hours did not change, and the unanticipated immediate need never materialized. Yes Chef!
To this day, while watching “Hell’s Kitchen”, I want to slap somebody when I hear them scream, “Yes Chef!”
The United States was founded on the principal of equality for all, but “the kitchen” in not America. “The kitchen” is a word unto itself!
I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.
Into THE CAULDRON!
Is tuisce deoch na sceal
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